Mister K to the rescue

Wednesday:

I drive the J-Dock 3/4 ton truck with massive trailer from Seward to Soldotna to pick up approximately one ton of salmon. I am asked before I leave if I "have ever driven with fish before". Of course I have not. And I am warned that if I take corners to hard the fish will slosh around and consequentially cause the trailer to slosh around which in turn will make the back of the truck slosh around, and I think you get the picture.

The directions I am given are vague. Only one turn to get from Seward to Soldotna and only about two hours of drive time. Once I am in Soldotna I am to drive through town and head toward Homer. About five miles out of town I am to look for a big red 'T' and a road called Coho Loop. About five miles down Coho loop the road truns to dirt. I am to make a left just before the road turns to dirt. And then I am to look for a sign that says "farm fresh eggs" about two miles up the road. That is my final turn that will take me to a farmhouse wher all of this salmon is waiting. Easy enough.

Nine hours later, two streets called Coho Loop, untold turns down dirt roads that turn into bike paths or bear trails, numerous failed attempts to back up this massive trailer down said roads/trails, a short walk through a chicken farm, dozens of calls to Seward with requests for MapQuest and Google Earth and I find myself at the farmhouse.

The man at the farmhouse asks me if I have ever driven with fish. And then I am told that "multitudes" of truck drivers spew salmon all over roadways because they don't know how to drive "with fish".

I make it back to Seward without incidence and am lauded as a hero.

Thursday:

Two fish cutters call in sick and one walks off the job. I should tell you that there is a pecking order at the dock that I am vaguely aware of. And "cutters" are at the top of the pecking order. Probably because it takes a few more brain cells to fillet a fish than it does to bag the fish. Or maybe just because the "cutters" have knives and the baggers don't. I arrive at 7:41am to help pack all of this "retail" salmon as it must be fully processed before the "sport-caught" fish can be processed. Because the dangers of processing salmon caught and iced down by commercial fisherman at the same time as the salmon that is caught and iced down by professional fishing guides is quite obvious and people could die. Or worse. So we have about eight hours to fillet, bag, cryovac, and package about 1600 lbs. of fish.

The lone fish cutter starts in on the load and about two hours into the day it is painfully obvious that he will never finish in time. So I ask the boss if I can somehow lend him a hand without insulting the hierarchy of fish cutter status. I am given the green light and I start cutting. We manage to finish the retail fish just in time and then we get to start with the sport caught fish that is now starting to arrive on the docks. One of the first boats to arrive has been on an overnight charter and hammers us with 542 lbs. of halibut, ling cod, salmon, and rock fish. It is by far the busiest day the dock has seen since I have been there.

After about 12 hours of cutting fish I have a tendon in my left hand that does not want to cooperate. The swelling begins. Two hours later my tendon tells me to fuck off and I am forced to stop cutting fish. We have a good head start and we have trained a new guy how to cut so I am off to run the cryovac machine - my usual job. My hand continues to ache and I start asking around for some pain medicine. I am offered aspirin and Advil but I explain that none of that will work. I am looking for something with a suffix like -dan, -din, or -set. One of the guys just had shoulder surgury and has some Percodan but it is at his house. Just when I am about to die Mister K walks in.

Mister K has the most extensive first aid kit on earth. I explain my situation and he goes to fetch it. When he returns he has a Glad-Bag full of goodies. He says, "I have Advil or I can numb it". Numb sounds good. It sounds better than "throb" anyway. I was expecting some sort of sports rub. So I was a bit surprised when he busted out the syringe and Lidocaine. After four little stabs my hand was back to normal. Numb but normal. I returned to the fish cutting station and put in another three hours or so before the Lidocaine wore off. That is when the real pain set in.

I returned to the cryovac machine but my left hand was pretty useless. One of the girls who was helping us bag fish made some snide remark like "I'm gonna laugh when you have a claw replacing your hand". I told her I would replace it with a dildo and chicks would dig me even more.

I clocked out at 3:40am. Approximately 20 hours after I started. I would assume that we butchered and processed at least 3500 pounds of fish.