Niter Kebbeh

This is a ghee or clarified butter infused with other flavors. It is Ethiopian by nature and an integral part of Ethiopia's national dish: Doro Wat. The butter is very versatile. It has a higher smoke point than most oils so it does very well when you need to sear meats or use it in other high-heat applications.

2 lbs. butter
1 large yellow onion, peeled, chunked
6 cloves garlic, peeled, smashed
A thumb-sized chunk of ginger, peeled, chopped
2 sticks cinnamon, smashed
4 cloves
3-finger pinch fenugreek

Clarify the butter. Add the rest of the ingredients and simmer for about 20 minutes. Allow to sit for about 20 minutes more. Strain.

My Craigslist Response

"I gather you have a considerable quantity to trade. Please provide more specific details about what you are offering. In what packaging, volume, etc. Over a duration of time or in one shot? What ingredients and varieties do you offer? If this is going to be made to the order, wouldn't it be fresh and wouldn't it take a while to ferment properly to acquire a mature taste? Or...do you have aged Kimchi already that is ready to enjoy, properly, now...or a combination of both. Finely what types of Kimchi can you provide; hopefully, this would include Mool Kimchi also."

Kind regards,

Veronica

My Craigslist Ad

Professional and internationally trained chef will trade kimchi for luxury items.

The kimchi can be made in varying degrees of spiciness and will be made with organics and free-trade ingredients that support poor people in under-developed countries, dirty hippies working on WWOOF farms, and other small farms and farmer's markets in the greater Miami area.

I am not interested in Seiko watches, Waterman pens, ghetto bling, paintings by anyone living, tie clips, or cuff links (unless there are considerable blood diamonds festooned to them).

What I AM interested in is TAG Heuer and Technomarine, Mont Blanc and David Oscarson, Wedgewood china and Riedel glassware, maybe some Louis XIII cognac to go in the glasses, whatever... You decide.

This is not an offer that will last long. There are plenty of nasty divorce disputes, high-class moguls who appreciate fine kimchi, and people who simply scour Craigslist for opportunities to blow huge wads of cash.

So stop staring slack-jawed at your monitor and send me your best offer.

The Girard-Perregaux is ticking . . . . . . . . .

Leonardo Da Vinci in Miami

I have been singing "The Search Is Over" by Survivor. Not to anyone in particular. I'm just sort of serenading the streets of Miami from the balcony of my new apartment. This is the first lease that I have signed in over five years and it is the first place that really feels like a permanent residence in equally as long. I have been lounging about the flat with a torn ligament or tendon (I am not sure which and neither is the doctor that I just paid $400 to ask), unable to do anything. There is no TV and I don't know anyone here. So I am staring at the walls and now FINALLY it seems bizarre to sit in my apartment and look at all the shit that I have collected over the past few years.

I am wondering if the Maasai sword that I negotiated off one of my askari has left him defenseless in the bush. If he is attacked by a lion will his last thoughts be curses toward my ill-gotten gains? He must be wondering why the hell I need a tribal sword in the USA. Surely he knows that AR-15's and AK-47's are readily available.

I am also wondering about Leonardo Da Vinci. Not the Leonardo Da Vinci that was an Italian mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, sculptor, botanist, musician, and writer. The other Leonardo Da Vinci that lives on Mafia Island. The one who signed my tingatinga paintings and custom made my African cubism-styled painting in exchange for some Billabong board shorts. I remember discussing the US prison system with him. The discussion went something like this:

Leonardo Da Vinci: "I hear that in America even the prisons have televisions."

(insert uncomfortable laughter on my part here)

Me: "Yeah Leonardo" (we were on a first name basis - and yeah, it's kind of a big deal). "But they are only allowed to use the televisions for educational purposes". It was probably a half lie. I am not sure. I haven't been to prison.

Leonardo Da Vinci: "And I hear that they feed you in the jails in America."

Me: "Yes. They feed you but the food sucks."

Leonardo Da Vinci: "They give you the new clothes when you go to the jail in America. That is what I hear."

Me: "Yes. But they give you bright orange clothes - Pajamas - Like what you wear at night."

Leonardo Da Vinci: "I wear these at night." (He is pointing to the board shorts that I just traded for my painting).

(I nod).

Leonardo Da Vinci: "The government gives them the bed and even the air conditioning I am told!"

Me: "Yes."

Leonardo Da Vinci: "So, the prisoners in the USA have food everyday, clothes and tv's. They get education. And they have air conditioning?"

(I do nothing but nod my head).

Leonardo Da Vinci: "So in many respects the criminals are living a much better life than many of us Africans."

(I do nothing but nod my head).



Leonardo Da Vinci: "Do you know this man: Barak Obama."

Me: "Yes. Yes I do."

Leonardo Da Vinci: "He is Kenyan - A good man. Do you think he will ever be President?"

Me: "Leonardo, if he runs I'll vote for him."